To Do List
by wonderwall05
Summary: Hermione's parents thought that a To Do List would help organize her thoughts. How wrong they were.
1. Who am I talking to?

_Hermione Jane Granger_

To Do List 

I'm only filling out this inane list because my mother believes that it will " help to organize my thoughts"

Must remember to not let Ron copy my work

Must remember that the above is impossible

Must stop thinking about a certain red haired Weasely

Must see above and tell myself how stupid I'm being

Add another foot to Ancient Runes Essay

Begin recruiting for S.P.E.W

Visit Dobby and Winky

On second thought send Winky anti-depressants and Dobby some socks

Patrol tonight with Malfoy

Gag

Try to ignore the fact that he looks very good in the torchlight

Learn a spell to stop such thoughts

Seek out the third floor broom closet and pull Ginny away from her boy of the week

Owl Mrs. Weasely and tell her about her daughters disturbing behavior of late

Finally get Harry and Ginny together so I don't have to walk in on anymore very heated snogging sessions

Owl my parents and make sure to add something about the stupidity of To Do List's

Solve World Hunger

What a girl can dream right?

This is my To Do List so butt out.

Who am I talking to?

O god and this was supposed to organize my thoughts!

**A/N; just a little idea I had. Do you like it? I was thinking of possibly doing other people's To Do Lists. Good idea or horrible heart stopping thought?**


	2. Draco Malfoy swimming in the lake naked

Hermione Jane Granger To Do List

Hire a psychiatrist

Collapse onto the bed in a useless heap

Be afraid

Be very afraid

DRACO MALFOY KISSED ME!

SEE ABOVE!

O god what had happened to the world

This goes against the very order of the universe

We were just walking along, silent as usual.

When he started a _conversation._

A conversation yes

He wasn't insulting me

He was actually talking to me.

That should've been plenty warning.

But, I was enjoying it too much to care.

Merlin I was enjoying talking to _Draco Malfoy_

Draco Malfoy was talking to me

And then Draco Malfoy kissed me

And Draco Malfoy is a fantastic kisser

O NO!

I can't think that, it's wrong.

So wrong.

What would Ron think?

Well he never made a move so it's his own fault.

I keep thinking about that kiss

That open mouthed kiss.

That French kiss.

That French kiss with Malfoy.

That fantastic French kiss.

I wonder what it would be like to kiss him all the time?

Not that I would personally do that.

Unless…do you think I have a chance?

Stop that line of thought.

Don't think about Malfoy with his shirt off

Or after Quidditch practice….

Or swimming in the lake….naked

O GOD!

Stopping now

Even though the mental images are tantalizing…er I mean disgusting

Add another foot to that Runes essay

Don't give me that look

I can't let a kiss distract me from my work

Even if it was a fantastic

French kiss

With Draco Malfoy

With his shirt off

I lied on the last part

But it would have been nice

Merlin its midnight!

Good-night.

Who am I talking to?

Damn To Do List

A/N: I've decided to like tell a story through the To Do List. It should be interesting, not writing with all that description.


	3. Ronald Weasley

Ronald Weasely

To Do List 

I refuse to do this.

To Do List's are for girls

Ouch!

Remember that Hermione has a strong punch

Girls can't play Quidditch either

Ow!

Remember to stop being a prat

That was Hermione

Convince Hermione that just because she has to write a To Do List does not give her the right to make Harry and I do one as well

Kill Snape

Badly

And then Malfoy

Also Crabbe and Goyle

Oh don't forget Michael Corner

Show Hermione that none of that is "far fetched and certainly not likely"

Cut my hair the mullet is very unappealing

Hermione do you want me to read your To Do List?

Didn't think so

Get Hermione's birthday present

Teach Harry to smile

Invite a certain Gryffindor to the third floor broom closet

Ouch! Damn it Hermione!

It was going to be you but now…

What did you just say!

You've found someone else.

Unlikely.

Shit!

I've got to stop provoking her.

So who was it?

What you're not going to tell me!

Remember to never become friends with any girls

Ever again

…………

I think I blacked out from that hit

Definitely.

Where is she?

Damn it.

Reminder wear a head protector at all times.


	4. Harry James Potter

**To Do List**

Harry James Potter

I think Hermione might actually have gone insane

What evidence do I have?

First she is forcing me to do this To Do List

I heard her muttering 'I wonder if it will make him crazy too?'

If that's not enough for you

I think she has a boyfriend

And I have a sneaking suspicion of who it might be

If I am right than she's completely bonkers

No one who is sane

Would ever

EVER!

Date that prat

I mean really

He has to be the biggest git ever

He doesn't even have a nice personality

But I admit he does get the girls

But that's not dating that's just sex

O god I just had the most awful images in my mind

Quickly think of something else!

Quidditch!

Yes Quidditch is fun

I love Quidditch

Harry are you really writing your To-Do-List about Quidditch

Yes Hermione. Would you rather I write the same as you a.k.a snogging boys

I have NOT been snogging anyone Harry!

Then why are you blushing?

You're such a git!

You know you find it endearing.

Ow!

Apparently not.

But I was right she does have a secret boyfriend

I'll get to the bottom of this

Or my name isn't

Harry James Potter


	5. Draco Alexander Malfoy

Draco Alexander Malfoy

**To Do List**

I've done something terribly wrong

Something completely against the rules

Nothing ever felt that _good _before

I probably shouldn't do it again

But I will anyways

Oh what have I done?

I kissed Hermione Granger

Hermione Granger the Gryffindor

Hermione Granger the Head Girl

Hermione Granger the smartest witch of our age

And I'll be damned if she isn't the best kisser

Ever

And I've kissed tons of girls

But no one compares to her

I wonder how Blaise will react to this?

Probably laugh his ass off

The wars over, fathers in prison

I've pretty much got free reign

Oh I like the possibilities

Dark hallway

Her pressed against the wall

I'm smirking just thinking about it

Oh the situations we could get into

I wonder if she likes role-playing.

I picture a rogue Quidditch player and the strict coach

I think I need to go find her immediately…..

Or tomorrow

On patrol

She has no idea what's coming

A/N: see if you review and tell me what you like I can make it for. Hence this chapter I wasn't ever going to do a Draco one but thanks to your feedback I decided too. So review bitches. Caffeine giggle you know you love my quirky author notes they're just so…..me

Your most beloved and crazy author,

Wonderwall


	6. SelfObliviation Sounds Pretty Good

Hermione Jane Granger

**To Do List**

Stay away from Malfoy

Catch something serious therefore getting excused from patrol

But then it might interrupt my school work

Damn!

Stupid Malfoy he just _had_ to kiss me

Where does he get off thinking he can just kiss me!

I don't care if he's the best kisser I've ever met

Or that he has a Quidditch toned body

Or those bloody fabulous silver eyes

Damn it!

Can you obliviate yourself?

Look up self-obliviation

If there are no references ask…..

Ron or Harry

or……Pansy!

She'd do it for sure

But then again she's never been overly good in Defense

Weigh the pros verse cons

…..Right. Next plan.

Maybe I should just talk to him?

Explain how he went terribly wrong

He'll understand

I mean he is a reasonable person

He gets good marks and doesn't fool around in class

He's BLOODY PERFECT

Minus the evil git for most of our school years part

But besides that pretty damn perfect

This is so not fair

Draco Malfoy with his shirt off

WHY do I keep picturing that?

I wonder if he has a six pack?

Mmmm….I bet he does.

Shit!

A/N: I know this isn't actually like a To Do List anymore but I kinda like it this way. I'm drinking more caffeine right now so some interesting writing should be flowing out of my magic fingertips any moment now.

Wonderwall


	7. Draco Alexander Malfoy: In the Hallway

**To Do List**

_Draco Alexander Malfoy_

Reminder to self never sneak up on Hermione Granger in a dark hallway

It is a _terrible_ idea

Patrolling with Gra…Hermione

Was very interesting

She actually tried to convince me that I had obviously had a mental break when I kissed her

Then I kissed her again

AND she pushed me off

I could not believe it

I was utterly stunned

She was all flushed and breathing heavy

I knew she enjoyed it

But then she tried to say I was wrong again

I pushed her against the wall

And pressed my body against hers

I'm embarrassed to say I groaned

Loudly

I wasn't aware she had such…curves

She moaned as well

And then she pushed me off

And RAN away

Literally she took off down the hallway

Sprinting like she was in the Muggle Olympics

So I went back to my room and here I am

I have the most terrible hard on

I didn't even really touch her

God damn it

I'll get her next time

A/N: Hmm Draco is a sexy beast or that's how I imagine him. If I was Hermione I would not run away from that. So next chapter Hermione's reaction

Review for your beloved,

wonderwall


	8. Merlin help me!

_Hermione Jane Granger_

**To Do List**

Merlin, help me

He kissed me again!

The bloody git!

Stupid prat!

Idiot with the softest lips ever!

He does have a six pack I felt it

Shit!

Reminder to self stop thinking about Draco Malfoy's six pack

He completely ignored my argument

It was undeniably rude

But I couldn't reply seeing as how his lips were COVERING MINE

And then I ran

You're probably thinking to yourself, 'Send her to St.Mungo's psych ward because only a crazy person would turn down such a fine piece of ass'

Not that I err- think about his ass

Per say

Maybe I should talk to Ginny

She would know what to do

Merlin knows she's kissed enough boys for all the Gryffindor girls combined

Not that she's a slut or anything

A girl can kiss boys

Especially if they have silver eyes and a-

No I refuse to say it

I will stay strong

As I was saying a girl can kiss boys

Especially if he has this white blond hair and this fantastic body with a killer six pack

Shit!

I'm doomed!


	9. Ginerva Weasley

_Ginerva Weasley _

**To Do List**

Harry warned me I might get roped into this

This being a stupid To Do List

But noooooo

I thought Hermione was actually going to help me with my Divination homework

I've obviously lost some brain cells

Since duh! She doesn't take Divination

_Obviously I blame the snogging_

Shut up Hermione!

I hate her and her stupid cat!

Hey! Give that back!

Insufferable know it all

Ouch! I said give not 'chuck at my face in blind rage'

But I really do hate Crookshanks

He sleeps in my underwear drawer

Do you understand how uncomfortable it is to wear underwear that has cat hair on it?

And when I threw him that time he ate my favorite black knickers

Bastard

Anyways back to Hermione

She's been acting odd lately

I swear her lips were all swollen the other night like she'd been snogging

But she couldn't have been I mean she was on patrol with Malfoy

Hmmmmm

Then again last night she came back all flustered her lips swollen again

BLOODY HELL!

She's been snogging Malfoy!

And she didn't tell me!

HERMIONE!


	10. Severus 'The Half Blood Prince' Snape

_Severus 'The Half-Blood Prince' Snape_

**To Do List**

Kill Potter

Kill Weasley

Buy some toenail clippers

Kill Flitwick

Get money first

Burn some books

Pillage

Send flowers to Lucius in prison

Attached note: To brighten up the hell hole you wanker!

Laugh manically

Spy a little

Scare some first years

Talk to Granger

Stare at Granger

Sigh mournfully at Granger

Sneer at Granger

Send anonymous love note to Granger

Second thought scratch that

Look up rule on student-teacher relationship

Wait till after graduation, bide your time

Have tea with Minerva

Bet tea set that Gryffindor will lose next Quidditch match

Burn all the Gryffindor brooms

Curse the gargoyle in front of Dumbledore's study to say, 'You're senile!'

Laugh at him

Brood

Go to the bathroom

Brood some more

Torture, maybe?

If it's rainy out

Torture always brightens up those rainy days!

Stop sounding like Filch

Hide Mrs. Norris

Tell him Potter and Weasley did it

Laugh manically

Good finish to a perfect day

A/N: I had forgotten that I had written this one, so I quite enjoyed reading it and marveling at my hilarious-ness. Yes I said hilarious-ness mark my words it will be in Oxford Dictionary in a couple of years.

Your well spoken author,

Wonderwall

P.S. Haha well spoken!


	11. DAM: The Injustice League

_Draco Alexander Malfoy a.k.a D.A.M_

**To Do List**

Haha my initials spell dam

Never mind that I've got to get Granger in the sack err- I mean alone

Both are quite appealing though

Calm down there boy!

Slow and steady wins the race

But dam does it kill the hormones

Haha dam

Anyways I've decided to spike her drink and have my naughty way with her

I wish

Since cornering on patrol has ended….badly

I'll corner her in the Great Hall

At least there she won't want to cause a scene by sprinting away from me

What should I say?

Should I say anything?

Maybe I should just kiss her?

Should I ask her out?

Normally that would be a repulsive idea

But it's not looking too bad right now

Maybe I could seduce her

Potty and the Weasel king will be there though

They're both stupid enough to curse me in front of the teachers

Hmmm…

This is a predicament

Maybe I can get Blaise to distract them?

I wonder if the Weasel is a ponce

Potter seems to be straight

The Weasel's sister!

Now there's an idea

Time to call in the reinforcements

SLYTHERINS UNITE!

MUHAHAhaha……err…..right

I'll just go get them shall I?

A/N: I added those last three lines on a whim. I can so imagine Draco in a cape and mask yelling for his version of the justice league, a.k.a the injustice league to come. God, gives me the giggles.

Your partially insane author,

Wonderwall


	12. Blaise Suave Zabini

_Blaise Suave Zabini _

**To Do List**

I'm not quite sure who Draco got the idea for this list from

But I am going find them and kill them immediately

Apparently I am supposed to be writing down evil, nefarious schemes

To get this…..Win Granger over for him

I told the bloke he had more of a shot with an acromantula

Didn't take it too kindly

Said I wasn't 'respecting his feelings'

I swear that boy should've been in Hufflepuff

Damn it Draco!

_That's highly offensive. Now get back to scheming! MUHAHAhaha….._

Off his bloody rocker that one

So scheming…..

Hummmmm…..

Hooooooo…..

What exactly would get Granger to fall for Draco?

Well here's what I think:

Love potion

The Imperius Curse

Torture

Brain washing

Kill her then reanimate her corpse

But then all her girly bits would be rotting

Like he would notice he's already bloody mad

_Hey I'm not the ponce here._

Yeah too bad since you've definitely filled out-

_Shut up and stop staring at my arse!_

Sorrrryyyy, it's not my fault you stick it out there like a bloody banner!

_I despise you _

Better take that back or I'll tell Granger you wank off to her

_You wouldn't _

Watch me

_I'm not apologizing _

Hey it's your funeral

_I despise you even more. I'm kicking you out of my plots. _

Ohh look at me cry and you wouldn't do that anyway

_Yeah you want to bet?_

All you'd have left is Dumb and Dumber and the Brainless Wonder

_Well it looks like Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy are farther along to in the planning division than you_

Ha! See you knew who I was talking about

_So they still have plans_

Oh what are there's? Crabbe: tie her up and belch at her till she says she'll go out with Draco, Goyle: uggghhhh?, Pansy: that nosy skank won't ever get my Drakkie

_I despise you_

I thought so

A/N: I was actually going to make Blaise a ladies man but I love this gay version much better! I wonder how he will play into my own nefarious schemes. Seems like there's trouble in the Injustice League, what ever shall our sexy villain do? Will Blaise ever stop staring at Draco's arse? Will Draco ever stop wanking off to Hermione? Will Goyle be able to pronounce three syllable words? Only Wonderwall knows! MUHAHAhaha….now I know where Draco gets it from.

Your Slytherin-esque author,

Wonderwall

P.S. Did any one get Blaise's middle name is reference to Rico Suave? Not that I picture Blaise like that but hey I thought it was good!


	13. Lucius Abraxos Malfoy

_Lucius Abraxos Malfoy_

**To Do List**

Received flowers from Severus today

Bouquet of daisies and sunflowers my favorite

Then I read the note

Penned response

Threw out first: That wasn't very polite of you, my time in prison is very trying

Sounded too much like Draco

Penned second response: I have hired someone to kill you. It will be painful and slow. Have fun in your dead end job.

Chuckled at my pun, I am just so clever

Bribed some guards and sent response

Thank the ministry for allowing me to keep gold in my cell

Told Dementor that was floating by to go bugger himself

Chortled, the bloke couldn't even think of anything to say

Just sent a wave of depressing, happy sucking cold at me

How lame

Comb hair

100 on the left

100 on the right

Practice sneer/scowl combo

The ladies love it

Hmm that makes me wonder

Is Narcissa dead yet?

Wrote second letter, contents: If you could be a dear and kill Narcissa as well that would be lovely

Bribed guards once more

Get my shiv to Rodolphus

I think he plans on killing Bella at lunch!

How exciting

I should probably get suitably dressed

Now should I wear the striped jumpsuit or the striped pants and shirt?

Ponder

A/N: I definitely think that Lucius is a big softy on the inside; where else does Draco get his Hufflepuff tendencies. So my author notes are getting weird again must be because I'm running on 3 hours sleep, 2 coffees and 2 energy drinks and I worked all day. What fun!

Your mentally exhausted author,

Wonderwall


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